Gating and Culling: How to's #6-8

This is the last in the series about gating and culling.

And the last of the 'How-To's of accepting/rejecting/ejecting.

6. Accountability. Self-Policing. Transparency.

Col, an Aussie Karting guy has predisposed his community towards good behavior by making each member ‘visible’ and knowable to everyone else. He disallows anonymity, which would otherwise be an awfully convenient shield to hide behind when indulging in anti-social behavior.

High functioning communities work because there are mutual expectations, plus consequences for infringing the social norms of behavior. Accountability can only operate successfully if people know who you are. He has also found that the community polices itself, leaving him to focus on the members who are the real contributors. Here’s some excerpts from his post on the Ning Network Creators discussion boards. This is his summary of his Code of Conduct:

I had two goals for Kartbook: 1. That people would behave in a civil, friendly and hopefully FUN manner. (Something which had not generally been the case on the previous forums). 2. That the truth, no matter who it did or didn't suit for it to be known, would be allowed to be published, and remain unmoderated.

He insisted everyone use their real name, and he created guidelines that “basically said ‘no bullying, no spam, no worries’” and he “refused to delete anything that didn’t contravene those guidelines.”

His Network grew to about a third of all Karters in Australia, much of them active. The community ‘howled out’ any who did not use their real name.

“We see intelligent, sometimes heated but always fair discussion about a huge range of topics relating to karting, and best of all, the majority of the membership THINK before posting a message! Why? Because whatever they say, it's got their name right next to it, and they KNOW it's going to stay there, even if they regret it after a cooling off period. Lots of people therefore saw the negative effects of "opening mouth before engaging brain", and it now happens VERY rarely!

Strange as it may seem, by REFUSING to moderate in all but the most extreme cases, I've made the NEED for moderation almost disappear altogether!"

Transparency forced accountability. A culture of accountability predisposed the community to self-police, leaving the leader freer to focus on building the network.

7. Charge a fee

This is a very handy way of making the prospective member pause and consider whether they’re indulging in CJS: Compulsive Joiner Syndrome. It’s a way of making the act of joining real. And it’s an ever so small, but surprisingly effective dissuader of social toxics and trolls: there’s a real cost to being thrown out.

Paul Reader, a member of The Glue Project Community wrote:

“One way of gating that is less threatening and can even be encouraging is to charge a nominal membership fee and providing some benefits that are exclusive to members-such as discounts on cost of social functions or fundraising events.”

Importantly, paying even a small fee can represent the first in a series of investments of time and engagement. Investment can be habit-forming. Each successive act of engagement predisposes members to another as they feel that they’ve put in too much to stop now…also assuming that they’re also getting value form increased involvement.

It’s a key dynamic of the Commitment Curve-a strategy used by movement-makers in the political and cause world. A small enrollment fee can be the first step on the path to making more significant investments such as posting, uploading pictures, showing up at meetings, organizing meetings, becoming member of leadership and so on.

8. Have courage and kindness…and don’t let it get you down.

I’ve heard this a lot from community leaders. It’s inevitable that you’ll get difficult members. Sometimes they’re trolls or social toxics, and they just have to be smartly dealt with. But most often they’re people who are in the wrong place, or who are going through a tough time. Dealing with these people can bring you down, especially if they are abusive to you. But you have to gird your loins, give them the benefit of the doubt and be firm but kind.

Here’s part of a post from Jen, a Ning Network Creator that sums it all up well. I’ve quoted it at length rather than providing a link, because some of you may not be member of Ning and therefore not have access.

“I've learned that a little bit of kindness returned, instead of adding fuel to the fire, goes a looooooong way. Without getting into Psychology 101, since I'm not a trained Therapist, I've found these steps are successful in most situations:

Take a deep breath.

Consider the source.

Consider that this person may have a miserable life, and you may be able to add some light to their life, instead of returning their darkness.

Keep it professional, but do show compassion when appropriate.

Don't answer Trolls.

Don't take it personal. This is the most important rule, for your success. If you can take a step back, look at the situation from a professional and logical point-of-view, you will almost always succeed.

Know how to recognize a Troll.

Don't "go off" on people, who are simply in a panic. I've seen this over and over, again. I'll receive a hateful email from a member, who is typically a nice person. Sometimes, and especially when dealing with a person who is passionate about their online "cause", and/or their online business - - people get a little crazy. It's all "in the moment". Most of us are capable of this behavior. I'm certainly guilty of it. Don't accept abuse. But, when time allows - - do try to give them a chance to vent. Interject kindness and understanding. Typically, if you can do this, the situation will have a happy ending.

And to finish this series about gating and culling, here’s Cheryl’s speech with which she opened her two meetings. It’s kind, clear, firm, inspired and led by the purpose and values of the community. The latter are the inviolable, and unarguable terms of membership, and are extremely useful in defusing the possibility that these kinds of encounters are taken entirely personally.

Cheryl’s speech.

"As I read to you later the terms of use agreement we have drafted so far, please understand that the terms of use is not intended to reject or offend anyone in any way. NONE OF THIS IS PERSONAL. The purpose of the terms of use is to help teach families how to walk the Autism journey one-step at a time, as they should already want to walk for the sake of their own child. The terms of use agreement is to ensure that all members of QCPAC are active and equal participants. The terms of use agreement is the way that QCPAC needs to run to keep its mission. After all, QCPAC IS A PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATION although it is not housed in a brick and mortar building yet. .

QCPAC was founded based on creating a community where families of individuals living with Autism could become a part. QCPAC was founded to be these families’ escape from the typical world in which these families felt lost, overwhelmed, and isolated. QCPAC became a place where other individuals walking the same path could go to for comfort, solace, support, education, and training, and of course, fun!

For almost 3 years, QCPAC operated without any set terms because QCPAC assumed that everyone would walk this journey on their own. Nevertheless, what has come to realization of all those involved with the operation of QCPAC, is that some individuals need guidance and systematic direction. As QCPAC begins to move forward, changes must occur.

QCPAC has a mission and with this mission, it is necessary to align members who are willing to walk actively the journey and go the extra mile. Everyone who is on board must be willing to carry the cross that Youla and I carry for our children every day. QCPAC has the potential to be an organization that many families living with Autism can truly benefit. However, strength comes in numbers. Eventually, I will take QCPAC to new heights. By myself, it will take several years. With dedicated, passionate, and ambitious individuals on board, we could all do it together in a few years less.

QCPAC is NOT for everyone. Therefore, everyone is free to go if he feels QCPAC is not for them because they cannot adhere to its terms of use for whatever reason. However, QCPAC will always welcome these individuals back should they decide to return later. Moreover, QCPAC is always willing to work with any individuals and accommodate him as much as it is able as long at the individual is willing and keeps the lines of communication open. We cannot help those who choose not to be helped.

We cannot continue to chase after individuals who disregard our time and our efforts. It is not fair to the other members who are active.

We all have challenges. Life challenges, work challenges, family challenges, marriage challenges. Life would not be life without these challenges. Convenience seldom exists. With Autism in our lives, convenience is next to never. We all have to make sacrifices for the things we truly care about. Truly making time is difficult, but time management is NOT impossible if you have the initiative.

Youla and I along with the QCPAC team are always willing to help individuals attend workshops or outings through means of car-pooling if they have transportation issues. They just have to ask us in advance. Members who attended the first session of this same meeting last Wednesday voiced perhaps rotating baby sitting services among members. The possibilities are endless, but heads must come together to brainstorm. However, we do not know if anyone needs this help if he does not let us know what the issue is. The lines of communication need to remain open in order for the organization to work together as a whole and resolve conflicts if any. Even though we go through different challenges and some more badly than others do, we all walk the same path when it comes down to our children living with Autism.

Although, Autism is highly prevalent, organizations such as QCPAC are still minimal. That is what brought each one of you here in the first place. I know this first hand, because that is why I founded this organization in the first place. Anyone can type in the word, “autism” in a search engine and pull up a million resources. However, how do you know what pertains to your child? How do you know what resources are in your community? How do you know what benefits you can receive for your child? The answer to that is simple…by constantly networking with and immersing yourself with other parents who are living the same lifestyle as you. I have learned along my Autism journey that the parents are the ones who provide the best resources, NOT the professionals. The children depend on their parents to be the project manager of their lives. A life, which includes things like constant therapy, appropriate schools, and qualified physicians are constant projects Even when things go smoothly in these children’s lives, sooner or later the families will hit a bump in that road. QCPAC was founded to be the map to help families stay on track of their journey.

QCPAC is a community that has settled in Queens, New York and is pushing to conquer the vicinity to find other individuals like them. They ARE out there, but everyone must work together in order to keep the community strong, and prosperous. On September 1, changes will go into effect. Some will stay, some will go, and some will be removed, but the remaining, I am confident will be those who believe strongly and act upon the mission of what QCPAC originally stands for. If you are listening and you are the ones who feels that you don’t know how to walk the Autism journey, then I ask you to ask and we will surely show you as best as we can.

This quote describes community and teamwork well, “Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.”

On a personal note, I honestly do not know my life to be any other way besides QCPAC. The families I have grown close to and have developed relationships with I can honestly say they accept me and my family for what we are. We call each other up on the phone and chat, laugh, cry, and vent about every day life, but especially about Autism. We share ideas and resources. We have each other over for coffee, dinner, and play dates. My typical children as well as my Zariah know their children. We’ve bonded and become like family, and when I founded this organization THAT is what I was looking for.

I don’t want my life to be without Youla, Lisa, or Lina, or Fran because the life I had before them was much, much too lonely.

I hope that each of you listening will continue to be a part of this community. Thank you."